Creepypasta Critic 2: Aladdin Is (Drop) Dead (Fred)
(Hello, I'm the Creepypasta Critic. I remember it because it's my name; what did you expect, dumbasses? Do you remember my first review on Sonic.exe? I despise that pasta. (in case you couldn't tell from the review) But, you know what's strange about this pasta? It wasn't made as a Trollpasta, and yet it got transferred over to this wiki and was voted in it's current, rare position as a FOTM- or Fail Of The Month. Two stories that I'm going to tackle today were also made on other wikis, and were ALSO transferred here to earn this horrible dishonor, but they didn't even get the popularity of Sonic.exe! And these two diarrhea piles that keep you up all night until you come to your senses and take a Charcocap to flush the remaining shit out are Aladdin Is Dead and Time-Travel Journal. These stories come from the deepest depths of the Deletion Log Refugees, and what's worse is that these two short stories didn't even have effort put into them! These two stories are going to be a really fucked up experience, so strap yourself into these wild, unfinished rollercoaster of twists and turns! Because these rides are going to be bumpy!) aladdin is dead (OK, we saw the title. Get on with the story.) this is my first creepypasta and i tried to leave out as many cliches as i can. (Fucking great. Give this dumb shit a fucking round of applause.) if you use my creepy pasta on haunted gaming then please give me a shout out (1. What an selfish prick! Don't expect your story to get on Muhatar's Haunted Gaming! Write a good story and let Muhatar himself notice! 2. YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT THIS SHIT WOULD GET ON HAUNTED GAMING?!?) Aladdin is dead '(AAAAAAARGH! Get on with the GODDAMN PLOT!)' so i was on my computer searching for cool glitches to do on snes games and i found a glitch called Aladdin is dead (. Sorry I had to put that period there when this baby of a writer could have just put one there! I'm not going to comment on this later in the pasta, but this pile of shit has no sense of capitalization or punctuation.) i clicked on the picture for it and saw that his eyes were gone no blood flowing from it just jet black where his eyes should be. (And another thing, unless the pacing in this pasta is faster than Superman, then this pasta has horrible to no pacing.) i said, "cool i will try it on my emulator "' '("People that look dead are so cool! I even have a collection of dead people in my closet! ...WAIT WAS MY MICROPHONE ON!?!"),i did the glitch and my game froze so i said," i knew it wouldn't work".so i went and played super Mario world and beat bowser. (OOOOOOH KAAAAAAAY.....) i said," i want to play Aladdin",so i di'(e)'d and when i started the game i noticed Aladdin had no eyes just jet black like the glitch said so i thought hey the glitch worked.but i had no idea it was evil.' (I'm prety suure that is a glitch for a video game was "evil" these days, someone on the site where the glitch is probably would have flagged it or said in the site's comments that it was bad. No...we're just rolling with this horrible pasta?...Fuck you.) '''i started the game and the monkey (i forgot his name BTW) '(I'm the smartest protagonist in the world! It's not like I could...research the monkey's name up! No, I got this up in my brain!)' looked like an imp but that's not the worst part '(If you're talking about this pasta, the worst part is the entire thing.) the worst part is when ever i would jump on someone they decompose '(OK you dumbass. People when killed take a while to decompose, even if they're being eaten by flies above ground or rotting in a hole underground. Corpses don't decompose in 3 seconds.) '''and then i would beat a level and instead of the genie showing up the devil would appear '(Oh. How spooky.) 'and the wheel would be a pentagram so i spun it and i landed on one of the points and the devil started chanting a very unsettling ritual '(Because every game programmer in the 90's had plenty of space on each SNES game to fill with useless shit like character sprites dancing in ritual.)'it sounded like and then that is when '(It sounded like what?) i tried to turn off the game he said (Tell your audience who is saying what! GOD!) 'no your mine now '(Again with explanation issues in this pasta! The audience never knew that the protagonist owned a mine! Oh, quit booing me!) 'and then my door slammed closed by itself and the devil stuck his hand out of my screen '(Please let the "screen" symbolize something like the protagonist's dick.) 'and said,"your soul is mine". then he started to suck my soul once he finished my power went out '(Ok, now the run on sentences aren't even making sense. Thank god this pasta's almost over.) '''and i well lets just say i am a ginger without the red hair. (What...the...fuck it, the pasta's over. Wait! I have to do ANOTHER SHITTY PASTA?!? Oh wait, I promised to review another pasta...fuck.)' january 9 1987 what was it tommorow '(Tomorrow from that journal entry would have been January 10th...) i venture in the cave '''(You thought that the previous story had bad pacing? You haven't seen nothing yet!) i dont know what to expect but if anyone finds this journal im dead (They have a category for this, but HOW CAN YOU WRITE THIS IF YOU'RE DEAD??? Fun fact: lots of bad pastas share this element of stupidity.) 'john terry missing since 1987. jounel entry #1 '(Fun fact: Jounels are a wanted and valuable item on Ebay. If you own one, then you can become wealthier than Bill Gates!) 'january 3 1792 im finaly in a new state '(of mind) i just cant wait until i finish my log cabin. journal entry #10 (Wow, that was a big jump in time! Did nothing interesting happen on those other days? Building a log cabin was SO ENTERTAINING!) it was a monster that killed my mother a monster i tell you (This dialogue would be much more suspenseful if it had punctuation.) 'it had giant eyes long legs and a heart on its head '("There used to be an alligator under my bed!")'but it has no head '(Wait, WHAT? You said that the monster had a heart on his head, and now the monster doesn't have a head? What the fuck is up with the wording in this pasta?) 'its just not there jackson mcarthy died due to severe mauling and blood loss. '(Thanks for the info, but the audience wants to focus on John Terry, the story's MAIN PROTAGONIST, for this one!) 'january 1 1733 i saw something in the woods i went to investagate i heard a scream something i had never heard before '(Fun fact: Screaming, a basic human action, was uncommon during the 1700's. HELLO!) it set chills through my spine it jumped at me it ripped my arm clean off the pain was horrible in ways i can not describe (You got harmed by "It"? Good god! How did you survive that encounter? OK, just be calm and look out for a wild "My" in the woods.) i ran to the nearest town in new york i know im not gonna make it but i will never forget what i saw i call it the (HUM)'SHINGER. marcus mathang died by blood loss. '(Great job, asshole writer. Now none of your audience wants to focus on John Terry.) january 5 1700 something terrible happened the people on board the mcathy were found dead i saw something crawl out of the ship something i saw in england but i must be just perinoid i should get to sleep.' (The best thing to do if you see a strange item on a ship where lots of people died is to get some sleep. Don't want to be groggy while you investigate!)' john doe missing since he went on a hunting trip january ? (OK writer come close to me. That's it. Come on. Come here. I want to tell you something. Just a little closer. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR HALFASSED GRAVEYARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 1899 Im going to die today (What a great thought that would be for an entire day.) 'im going to shoot myself better to die than that beast if you are reading this tell lisa i love her. '(Yeah, about that... I told Marge Simpson that you loved her on accident. Sorry!) jack adams died of suicide (Jack Adams is a brand of BBQ sauces and drinks that cause DWI's, not a person, dumbass.) 'all of the '(Mr.) 'men who died were in ther 40s to late 50s so i know im gonna die because of tho '(No, you're going to die because of your actions, not because of "tho". Are you fucking high on weed shaped like shit?) 'goodbye crule world '(CHITTY CHITTY) '''BANG BANG OH NO klaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa AHHHHHHHHHHkHHHHHHHHH(k)' SHING Mathew Toren died by '(reading this pasta)? '''(So that was Aladdin Is Dead and Time-Travel Journal!...Ugh, I got a migraine. The punctuation, spelling, capitalization, pacing, plot, realistic elements, location in terms of time and protagonists were really bad in both of these two pastas. There are probably more things wrong in both of these pastas, but I'm too lazy to point them all out. And...I can't really say anything else about them except that they absolutely deserved their FOTM awards. They were just that bad. Suggest new ideas for future reviews on the Trollpasta forums! I'm the Creepypasta Critic, and if you forget my name, then I'll murder you slowly while you sleep!)